Why Should I Go to Therapy – Thoughts on Courage

“If they had a choice, no one would necessarily want to sit in that seat.”

The above is something I say often as a therapist. Why? Because when it comes to therapy, people typically are apprehensive, anxious and even hesitant to seek help for themselves. I have the unique privilege and honor of sitting with people in really difficult moments. It’s not easy. In fact, I would argue that it would be unnatural in some ways to want to sit down with me, a stranger, and explore the various emotions that you might be feeling during a difficult time in your life.

If they had a choice, no one would want to be going through a difficult time.

If they had a choice, no one would necessarily want to sit in that seat.

People have told me that they don’t understand how I do what I do. That they couldn’t sit with people and listen to their problems all day. The truth is though, I am fortunate. Not only do I get the privilege of sitting with people and walking with them in their difficult moments, but I’ve also been the one sitting in that seat during difficult times in my own life. So I truly know and have experienced how important it is to have someone be with you in the difficult times.

In fact, here’s a secret of the trade – if you’re sitting with a therapist, there’s a fairly good chance that your therapist knows how you feel and has been the client before. There’s a fairly good chance that your therapist has sought their own help through therapy. There’s also a fairly good chance that when that therapist was a first-time client, they had a lot of the same feelings as you. They were apprehensive and possibly mildly anxious about going into their first session. They wondered what counseling would be like, what questions the therapist would ask, and how much they’d have to talk about themselves. They worried if they would feel comfortable with their therapist. Would conversation feel natural? Would they would feel safe enough to really open up and build a relationship with someone who is for all intents and purposes, a stranger?

Those who choose to sit in THAT seat are the ones who are courageous. Those who choose to sit in THAT seat are the ones who are brave. It seems counterintuitive, but in times of need, one of the hardest things to do sometimes is ask for help. It has been an unfortunate staple of our society in a lot of ways, that we prize those who just pushed through hard times. It’s sometimes considered ‘weak’ to ask for help, even when you’re hurting. Nothing could be further from the truth! Asking for help is a sign of strength. Asking for help means you’re willing to make yourself vulnerable knowing that in the end it’s better for your overall good.

The idea that ‘asking for help makes someone weak’ is an utter fallacy. Sadly, this has become predominant when it comes to the idea of men going to counseling. There is an assumption that men don’t need to seek their mental health. A real man should just suck it up and work their way through it. I’ve heard it said that past generations never talked about their problems like we do today – they just put their head down and worked through it. My heart breaks at those types of statements. I think of my father and his father and I think of the pain they undoubtedly experienced through life, yet the feeling that this pain wasn’t legitimate and was something to be ignored or pushed through.

I’ve spoken with many men who were brave and strong enough to sit in THAT seat. The most common characteristic among them all is the apprehension they all had to admit that they’d been hurt in their past and the difficulty that comes with being a man and suffering in silence. These men, however, were able to discover that there can be healing found by discussing the things we try and push through. They discover that seeking help doesn’t mean they our weak, but actually means that they are stronger than those that don’t seek it. The strength comes in being willing to explore past the things on the surface. The strength comes in the vulnerability of admitting that everything is not ok. It truly is ok, not to be ok, despite what we may have been taught in our past.

I encourage you, whether you feel like asking for help is weakness or you feel like suffering alone is how we’re supposed to work through problems, give yourself the option that there might be another way. You may be suffering now or you may have past hurts that still come up and tap you on the shoulder every now and then . You don’t have to go through these things alone. Talk with someone, whether that be reaching out to learn more about counseling or talking with a close family member or friend. When we have courage and share with others that we trust what we’re going through – this can have profound effects on our lives and the lives of those we love. I wrote a previous thought about the collective experience of counseling and the effects it can have past just the person sitting in the counseling office, you can give it read here.

Brené Brown says “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” I encourage you today to have courage, show strength and for whatever seat it needs to be – show up and sit in THAT seat.