Say the Things that Go Without Saying - Thoughts on Vulnerability

We’ve all heard the phrase before, “It goes without saying.”  “It goes without saying, but I really appreciate you helping me out.” “It goes without saying, but I miss you.” “It goes without saying, but I love you.” “It goes without saying.” This precursor is generally followed up with a “but” and then something that person talking feels is obvious and generally understood. Let’s consider though. What if it may not be obvious to the other person or possibly even more, what if the other person may need to hear the exact thing that you feel could go without saying?

The truth of a precursor like “it goes without saying” is that it’s a way of protecting our vulnerability. Let’s remove “it goes without saying” from those earlier statements. What are we left with?

“I appreciate you helping me out.”

“I miss you.”

“I love you.”

These statements all on their own are statements of vulnerability. Putting yourself out on a ledge. There’s the worry – how will the other person respond? What if they don’t feel the same way? I will feel so stupid if I’m all alone in this feeling.  

Vulnerability is a scary feeling. If we’re going to give attention, however, to the fear of the negative that can come from being vulnerable, let’s make sure we give just as much attention to the positive of what can come from it. Can you think back to a truly wonderful time in your life when you either accomplished something or someone said or made you feel wonderful. I would dare to say that in those situations a fair amount of vulnerability was included. Perhaps it was on your side – putting yourself out there to take a risk on something, whether in action or in how you articulated something or perhaps even in how you overcame an emotion. Perhaps it was another person making themselves vulnerable with you – saying how they felt about you or putting into action something that meant a great deal to you. In all of this vulnerability was on the scene. Vulnerability is one of our most innate emotions as humans. Parents hear from their child “Mom/Dad I love you, do you love me? “Mom/Dad I hurt myself, can you kiss it and make it better?”  Even the act of a child reaching up for their parent to pick them up.

These acts require the ability for us to make ourselves vulnerable to hurt. There is the possibility that we don’t get what we were hoping for. Oh but when we do – there’s nothing better than when we do. The amazing feeling of hearing someone say “I miss you too” or “I love you too.” The feeling of an embrace when you reach out for one. It’s like vulnerability is a trust fall. You scoot backwards to the ledge, take a deep breath and release yourself to what may be.  

…..And you hope someone catches you.

 Sure there’s always the possibility of staying safe and not making ourselves vulnerable but in that safety,  we miss out on all of the wonderful things that go along with being caught when we trust and fall backwards. So I encourage you “SAY THE THINGS that could go without saying!” Be vulnerable with those you love and trust. Take a deep breath and give just as much attention to what could go right as what could go wrong.

“Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage.” - Brené Brown